Mood du jour: 'Will I' vs. 'How'

In life, we are perpetually confronted with difficulties and obstacles. Certain moments in our lives are or will be particularly challenging, and will place a heavy burden on us. Such moments fill us with strong emotions and questions of whys and hows… The fatigue of always having to fight, to regain faith and hope after a series of disappointments leads to some people making themselves ill. Others lose themselves, their faith, hopes and aspirations; some isolate themselves and others become empty shells void of any emotion and joie-de-vivre.

In the past year, I have been forced to think a lot about the obstacles that one or many individuals face. One thought that captivated me was language… to be more specific, the language that one uses in such challenging times. The formulation of our ideas and questions can say a lot about the current state of mind in which we find ourselves or frame ourselves in.

On a personal note, I have concluded the following. The question is not so much – ‘Will I overcome this obstacle?’ Rather – ‘How will I overcome this obstacle?’
The first question underlines a doubt on behalf of the person asking themselves the question. Besides doubt, this formulation indicates a lack of confidence; an uncertainty; a possibility that the obstacle will not be overcome and that there will be a relinquishment from the person. There is even a suggestion of defeat, letting the obstacle overrule you. There is an implication of sadness and negativity. Or rather more simply, this question can be answered by a mere ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

‘How will I overcome this obstacle?’ evokes a more positive and dynamic resonance, indicating a faith and hopefulness. This questions underlines that the person recognises, and to a certain degree accepts, that there is an obstacle to surmount. However, they are not going to stop at that: they are going to look for a way to cope with and to confront the difficulties… so as to move on, to turn the page towards better moments. This questions requires a complete sentence, more defined and thought-out than just a ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

In the end, I tell myself that it is too easy to be negative. Being positive and having hope is what is hard; yet it is also what is rewarding. I find that we all make our lives what they are; we make our happiness as we make our sorrows. This is not to deny that there are certain unexpected events and situations that are extremely delicate and painful… that certain choices can turn ones life around, in better as in worse… But at the end of the day, we most often all have a choice. Be it a good or a bad choice… Can we even ask such a question? After all, what is good for one is very often bad for another. I do not know. What I do know is that at the moment, armed with hope and a certain positivism: I am looking for the ‘How’ in coping with and confronting obstacles…